It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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