check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
