my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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