I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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