He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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