Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
