Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
