he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
