birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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