maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize