You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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