I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize