real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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