You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
