allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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