I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
