what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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