hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
