THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
