I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
