i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize