New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
