This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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