And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
