in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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