I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
