life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
