I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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