I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
