xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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