I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
