the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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