Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
