There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
