He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
