So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
