woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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