God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
