i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
