She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
