never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
