when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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