I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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