my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
