Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
