anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize