Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
