so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
