i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
