I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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