I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
