Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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