I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
