So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
