I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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