weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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