Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
