I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize