I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
