I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
