I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
