So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
