Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
