Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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