I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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