You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize