my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hospital has no fireball
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
