you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
