i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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