I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
