I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We left an ass print on the piano.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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