Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
