i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
