You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
