Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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