I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
