What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
