so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
