The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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