Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
