When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My pussy is not your playground.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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