My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
why is half of my head shaved?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize