John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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