Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your cock deserves a montage
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
