My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
