don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
