The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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