It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
