Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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