i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
