If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's always time for handjobs
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i've created a new STD.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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