I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
