where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
