Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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