I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
