My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize