having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
