You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
