Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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