I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
