Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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